Tag: introverting out loud

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Book Review: The Secret Book Society

Book Cover for The Secret Book Society by Madeline Martin.I enjoyed The Secret Book Society by Madeline Martin immensely. I believe the message in this book is a message that is never out of date. Why do I believe this? Because I have been the victim of a tyrannical husband. I have been the one that didn’t fit in. And I have also been the misunderstood daughter/family member.  I also know that if I had had a sisterhood that truly came together to support and help one another, I may not have chosen the life of an introvert. I will not share the specifics of the story, but let me break down for you the characters and why I liked the book.

The Characters

In 1895 London, women were considered property. Therefore, a woman like Lady Duxbury was the exception and not the rule. She had control of her own fortune, was accepted into the highest level of society, and had the intelligence and talent to maintain control over every aspect of her life.

Eleanor Clark had no control in her life. Her husband dictated everything from what she wore to how much time she was allowed to spend with their son. He decided what balls/parties they would attend. He decided when and where she was allowed to go. Verbal and physical abuse was her normal. And she had no way to change it.

Rose Wharton, an American heiress, who was sold off to a family with a title (yes, that was really a thing). Not really accepted by English society, she struggled to fit in and become the model wife of her aristocratic husband.

Lavinia Cavendish was a seriously misunderstood daughter. An young woman with an emotional nature, she struggled to control her passions. This made her shy with people and prone to bouts of depression.

Each woman needed help but didn’t know how to get it. Then they were invited to an afternoon tea hosted by Lady Duxbury. Thus, The Secret Book Society was born.

My Thoughts

I could identify with each character in a different way. The difference between me and them, I can fight back. I can change my life if I choose. I don’t have to stay in a marriage where I am made to feel less than worthy or told what to do every minute of every day. And I didn’t. Having been the victim of vicious gossip, I have chosen to not “fit in” rather than attempt to be something I’m really not. My family? They have no idea how to relate to me in any way. I’m nothing like the rest in any way. I’m even different in physical appearance. It took me years to have a conversation with family members in a way that allowed them to just accept me how I am rather than try to keep changing me.

Conclusion

I believe whole heartedly that women should come together in friendship understanding that we all bring something unique to the table. Ms. Martin totally makes that point in this book. Rather than ignore what 3 young women were going thru in their lives, Lady Duxbury reached out and offered support. She offered help and wisdom. In short, she offered, and showed them, true friendship.

Make no mistake, this book is not a “feel good” story. It is a story of the hardships we all face in different ways. This story reminds women how lucky we are to have choices, because we didn’t always have them. I, personally, took away the knowledge that if I had had a support group that accepted me for who I am that I would have a different outlook on society today.

I highly recommend this book for all women. And I also recommend that you take your time and think about what it means to be a friend. Are you trying to “one up” everyone in your circle? Are you participating in gossip about other in your circle? Or are you offering your own lessons learned from life? Are you too busy or offering help when they need it? I found The Secret Book Society to be entertaining while offering one pearl of wisdom for all of us.

Feeling Better Journey What I'm Doing

A “Hard Reset” For My Life

A “HARD RESET” for myself is my new life goal. But what does the phrase “hard reset” mean in regards to my life? It means changing my mindset regarding family, friendships, and achieving a fitness level that will allow me to take all the “Bucket List” trips I have planned in the next few years.

First Step: Family First

The first step for my “hard reset” is to make an effort to spend more time with my family and actually be present when I’m with them. I realized after my Mother’s Day visit with mom that I’m not always “living in the moment” while visiting. I’ve taken for granted my parents are there. The truth is, they won’t be around in a few years, so I need to make the most of the time I have with them. The same goes for my daughter and her family as well. I want to be around to enjoy my grandchildren, but I won’t be able to do that if I’m not in optimal health and have the right mindset.

I think the above really hit home with me after witnessing someone treating her mother and daughter as after thoughts during a “girls outing”. Without going into any detail, it broke my heart to see hurt in their eyes. That day caused me to think about how I treat my own mother and daughter. Although I would never have walked away and focused on only on my own needs and wants during a “girls outing”, I have been guilty of tuning out in other ways.  Therefore, I need to actively “be present” in the moment whenever I have the opportunity to be with my own family.

Second Step: Getting Fit

After taking my mom on a trip to New England in the fall for her 80th birthday ( a “bucket list” item for her), I realized that I don’t want to have to depend on my daughter or grandchildren to escort me on a trip I’ve always wanted to take. I’ve also realized, after watching my  mother with her great-grandchildren, that mobility issues can rob me of some of the joy children bring us. It always breaks my heart to see the look on my mom’s face when she can’t hold a new great-grandbaby without sitting down because she doesn’t have the strength and mobility to walk with them.

In an attempt to avoid future heartaches, I’ve made my “Bucket List” and everything on it will require me to be in excellent physical condition. This means working out and eating healthier. And although I may curse Talent Nwosu (my personal trainer) while working out, I know will be grateful for him later. With his help I will be able to dog sledding and walking reindeer in Alaska, hiking the lava fields and rainforests in Hawaii, and riding a burro all day down into the Grand Canyon to spend the night at Shadow Ranch before riding the burro up the next day. However, working out isn’t enough. The saying “you are what you eat” is never more true than it is now. I have to get better about making good food choices if I am going to achieve the fitness level I am going to need to be at.

Third Step: Set Boundaries

There is a real and valid reason for the old adage “give them an inch and they’ll take a mile”.  As someone that chooses to be an introvert for that very reason, I was caught off guard when I forgot that this year. Friendships in real life can be awesome. They can also leave you feeling abused and unappreciated when one friend suffers from “Main Character Syndrome” (my daughter told me about this one). I had no idea this was a thing until after events that occurred in March and April. Now I do. And to be honest, I don’t care what “level” they have reached in their rewards program or how much money they have. I am just too old to care about what others may or may not have.

Unfortunately, I am not quite sure how I will accomplish setting the boundaries since they don’t “hear” anything I say. They never hear me say “I have plans to visit my grandchildren that week” or “I prefer this over that”. They don’t hear me because all that matters to them is what they want. As long as that person is the center of attention, screw what anyone else thinks, wants, or needs. So will they hear me when I tell them about the boundaries I’m setting? No. For now, my only alternative is to ignore the incessant text messages and their social media. Do I realize I’m exhibiting my own “Main Character Syndrome” symptoms? Absolutely. But it’s my blog so I should be the main character.

Hard Reset Day

Today is the day I start the journey of actively trying to “live in the moment” with family. It’s the first day of a fitness and nutrition reset. And it’s absolutely the day to set new boundaries with people who have stopped being a joy to be around. I’m going to consider this my Bilbo Baggins moment when I decide, “I’m going on an adventure”.  Because if I don’t, I may regret it later.

 

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#SmallBusinessSaturday Shopping

In 2010,  American Express created campaign to support small businesses known as #SmallBusinessSaturday. Their idea was to encourage the average consumer to forego large retailers the weekend after Thanksgiving and spend their holiday budget at small retailers who were struggling. The movement took off and over the years, more and more consumers make it a point to shop at small local retailers the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

As an introvert, I prefer to avoid interacting with people in person. However, I will go out during the holiday season to support individual artisans, small businesses, and mom and pop restaurants. This year was no exception. I told my daughter last night that I would be going up to Main Street today for #SmallBusinessSaturday. She decided to go with me.

There were lot more people than I expected out shopping on Main Street. I was unexpectedly shocked, however, at how many store employees didn’t know about #SmallBusinessSaturday. I do not understand someone working in a retail establishment not knowing about #SmallBusinessSaturday? Especially when that establishment is not a nationwide chain and has fewer than 500 employees (the standard definition of a small business)?

One store, out of several, had employees that understood the value, and mindset, of the #SmallBusinessSaturday shopper. That is the one store I will visit again. I may or may not visit the others, but I will go out of my way to visit the one. Why? Because, as a consumer, I want, need, and expect the employees of any establishment I visit in person to understand I could have stayed home and ordered what I wanted instead. The employees of that one store got that! Small businesses rely on repeat customers. I will go to the small business that understands their customer over the one just wanting my money.

Do you go out of your way to support small businesses? If so, what do you expect from the employees when you visit?

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Christmas Is Officially Here: Let The Fun Begin

Christmas is officially here: Let the fun begin. I’ve patiently waited all year and I am ready for the magic! I love Christmas. Almost everything about the Christmas season brings a smile to my face.

I had Thanksgiving dinner with family at my mom’s house yesterday for the first time in 10 years. The turkey had its moment and then Santa and Mrs. Claus made an appearance. We usually wait a couple of weeks after Thanksgiving for Santa and Mrs. Claus, but due to personal issues it was better to do it today.

So, now that Thanksgiving is over for me, bring on Christmas books, music, and movies. From now until Christmas night I will only read Christmas books, listen to Christmas music, and watch Christmas movies.

Once again, I am starting my “Christmas Read-A-Thon” with Letters From Father Christmas by J. R. R. Tolkien. I begin with this particular book every year because I love how Tolkien made time to give his children a little extra magic to believe in every year. My Christmas Reading List will include a wide variety of genres. Everything from children’s stories to Rom-Coms to ghost stories. And yes, I will be re-reading several Christmas books once again this year. 

Did you ask about Christmas music? I must say that I prefer the music from the 1930’s thru the 1960’s. With that being the case, I am a Gen Xer, so I do appreciate original Christmas music from the 80’s and 90’s. Chances are, anything after that is probably not going to do it for me.

Now let’s talk about Christmas movies. I prefer the original Miracle on 34th Street. Give me George C. Scott in a Christmas Carol, but I do like several other versions of the story as well. Christmas cartoons are always appropriate, and no one should ever leave The Polar Express out of their Christmas movie repertoire.

I honestly don’t have the time or inclination to list every book, song, or movie I will include in my Christmas entertainment lists. But you can be assured I will always prefer the classics over the modern. The point is simply that Christmas has officially begun for me and I will be in that mode until Christmas night. I have waited all year for the magic of the season and I am going to get every bit of magic out of it that I can.

Do you have a Christmas reading list? A playlist just for this time of year? Do you wait until after the turkey has its moment, or do you start right after Halloween? There is no right or wrong answer, just a personal preference.

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Thankful Thoughts

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, This particular holiday encourages us all to stop and take moment to consider what we are thankful for. For me, Thanksgiving is the official beginning of “the holiday season”. Therefore, I do try to take time to give thanks for what and who I have in my life before I get too busy to stop and think about anything.

Family

My family is very important to me and I am very grateful that four of my five siblings are still alive. So I occasionally plan their demise. That’s what siblings do! We aggravate each other and come up with creative endings for whichever sibling is most irritating at the moment.

My daughter has always been a joy to me, and I am very blessed to have a strong relationship with her. We’ve had our ups and downs, but we have a very solid bond now. I appreciate that she has made good choices as an adult, but still needs me from time to time. I have also been blessed with a most    excellent son-in-law, and two of the most beautiful grandchildren ever.

Most of all, when it comes to family, I am extremely grateful that my parents are still with us. I acknowledge that I won’t have too many more years with them, and so what time we do have….I cherish more than I can possibly say.

Last, but certainly not least, I can not begin to tell you how thankful I am for my Hunny Bun. He makes it easy for me to be me. Does he irritate me beyond measure at times? Absolutely! However, he mostly makes me laugh out loud. And laughter is the greatest gift we can give and/or receive.

Friends

Let’s be completely honest with each other. I have TWO people I actually consider friends. As an introvert, friends are not a necessity for me. With that being said, I love these two women as sisters. One friend describes herself as “crunchy”, and she is. Smart, creative, loyal, loving, and  The other friend is loud, audacious, unapologetic, and always up for another adventure. She is my road trip/girls trip buddy and we have a lot of laughs together.

Health and Athena

There is absolutely no way I can leave without giving my most profound thanks for the good health I have. There is no small pharmacy in my medicine cabinet for a myriad of health issues. I count my blessings everyday for that one small fact of my life.

I couldn’t possibly forget Athena in my list of who and what I’m thankful for in 2025. Athena has brought Hunny Bun and I so much joy and laughter in the 4 years she’s been with us. The unconditional love and adoration I see in her eyes is worth every hair I sweep up.

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Social Media: The Death of Originality

A few weeks ago I started this blog for my own personal reasons. Are they good reasons? Maybe and maybe not! But the reasons are mine and the one thing I am refusing to do is follow the latest “social media trend” in order to accumulate followers. I have never been one to follow the latest trend or fad in any way, shape, or form. With that being said, I need to vent about the lack of originality on social media anymore.

As I stated in one of my very first posts here, I have had a love/hate relationship with the internet and technology since the very beginning. Anyone could say or be anything they wanted with complete anonymity. But then Zuckerberg and his ilk gave us social media. Now everyone wants to be “an influencer”. What I don’t understand is, how can you influence anyone if all you’re doing is the same things everyone else is doing?

THIS IS WHAT’S TRENDING ON…

It never fails that when I get ready to share anything on social media, I am first bombarded with one video tutorial after another. How many “make up tutorials”, “fitness tips”, “cooking tips”, “crafting tips”, etc., do we really need out there? Especially when they are all literally the same! What happened to being original and trying something  no one else has? Why must we all want to use the same white make up stick that changes color to match our own skin tone when we start blending? Does every have to lip sync the same damn lines to the same damn song? Come on, people! Do something different!

I AM GOING TO BE ME

As a 55 year old Gen Xer, I won’t be following the latest and greatest on social media. Why? Because chances are, I’ve already seen whatever it is you’re trying to convince me of, and I am probably already following that other person. I am not about to give up my skinny jeans for the latest fashion in jeans. Why? Because I have very thin ankles and have been blown down by the wind catching on wider leg pants (yes…that has actually happened to me multiple times!). I am not going to go for the latest tips for “frizz free” curly hair. I am not spending 2 hours and hundreds of dollars on a dozen different hair products (Thank You, Rodan and Fields for a simple 3 step hair care system that actually works to keep my hair frizz free). Do you see where I am going with this?

If you see me posting something that is “trending”, you can bet there is going to be a damn good reason for it. Good reasons would be: it looks silly and I like doing silly things, or it is raising money for a charity I actually believe in and want to support. What I am more likely to do is post things that actually appeal to myself. I don’t care if anyone else likes it. I don’t care if anyone else is doing it. I am at a stage in my life when I honestly do not care what anyone else thinks of me.

I WILL NOT CHANGE TO FOLLOW A FAD OR TREND

I am more interested in doing things I like to do. Things like continuing to check off items on my “Bucket List”. One thing I will do is continue rereading my favorite books. I will also continue to walk for fitness instead of jogging or whatever the latest fitness fad is. I may, or may not, change my hair because I want to and not to have the “latest style”. I know you all get where I am going with this. I do want to add that I will absolutely NOT be influenced by people on the internet doing what everyone else is doing!

If you read all the way thru this, thank you. If not, thank you. I just needed to vent about the lack of originality in society today thanks to “social media trends”.

 

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Holidays Are For Family And Mayhem

It’s November 13, and Thanksgiving is a mere two weeks away. That means it’s the season for mischief and mayhem. And this year is going to be filled with plenty of mayhem for me.

Most of my family live in Georgia. But I moved to the Washington, DC area 10 years ago and don’t normally go home for Thanksgiving because I don’t want to have to deal with Atlanta Hartsfield airport madness during the busiest travel week of the year. I also don’t want to deal with holiday traffic getting in and out of DC by car or bus. But, if I want to go home, and I do this year, I can always take the train.

Now the train ride from DC to Atlanta takes 14 hours. That’s a long train ride. However, you don’t have the same hassles that you deal with when flying. For example, I can check two full size suitcases for free and not have to worry about my luggage getting lost. I am also allowed two carry-on items and a personal item. If I need to carry-on more than that, it’s a fee of $20 per extra item, that’s cheaper than checking a suitcase when flying. Also, the train is an overnight train. That means the train is schedule to leave at approximately 6:30 p.m. and arrive in Atlanta at approximately 8:43 a.m. the next day. For the return, departure is scheduled for 11:30 p.m. from Atlanta and arrives in DC the next day at approximately 1:47 p.m. If you’re not in a rush, and I’m not, it’s doable.

I’ve taken this train trip several times over the years. At first, I always booked a ticket for coach. Three or four train rides to Atlanta and back ago, I upgraded to booking a roomette. Why would I pay a lot more for a roomette? Because I’m an introvert wanting to avoid other people. In a roomette I can close and lock my door in order to cocoon myself from the rest of the world. It’s perfect! The two seats in a roomette fold down flat to create a bed, so I also get to sleep laying flat. Those two things alone make traveling home to visit family a much more pleasant experience for me. Another benefit of having a roomette and being able to shut and lock the door….I don’t need my earbuds to listen to music or a book. I am one of those people that can’t read or watch a movie while in motion. I will literally get motion sickness whenever I try.

When I come back from this Thanksgiving trip, I will dive into the mayhem of holiday cooking/baking. From Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day, I can usually be found in my kitchen making peanut brittle, baking cookies, and cooking holiday meals. It’s constant chaos.

But wait….there’s something else in the mix this year. Hunny Bun and I will head back to Manhattan via the train for two nights. We’re going to see the Rockettes Christmas Spectacular at the iconic Radio City Music Hall (we went two years ago and loved it so are going back to see them again). We will see Hamilton on Broadway. And I will check off another “bucket list” item….ice skating at Wollman Rink in Central Park. Two years ago I checked ice skating at Rockefeller Center off my “bucket list”.  And as time permits, we will see and do a couple of others things that are on our “Can Do Only In New York” list.

And thru all of that, I must have my Christmas music, Christmas movies, and Christmas books. Trust me, once Thanksgiving turkey has been consumed, it will be all Christmas all the time until the day after Christmas. Lucky for me that Hunny Bun doesn’t seem to mind. Our one disagreement is over whether the movie ‘Die Hard’ is a Christmas movie. Now before I get inundated with opinions on that subject….I honestly don’t care what anyone else’s opinion is on that.

So what you can expect over the next few weeks are blogs about my traveling experiences, the antics my family gets up to during the holidays, blogs about time spent with my two grandchildren, my adventures in holiday cooking/baking, and what I’m reading/listening to. I have jam packed holiday season ahead. What are your plans this holiday season? Let me know what you’re up to, I might want to add one of your holiday traditions/experiences to mine.

Feeling Better Journey

Getting Older Bites, But We Don’t Have To Let It Keep Biting!

When I was young I could do anything. Well, I thought I could. I didn’t think about nutrition and exercise and never thought I would. But then I got older and realized….bumps and bruises take longer to heal, recovery after a workout takes longer, and nutrition has a huge impact on how you feel.

I went through menopause rather early. By my 50th birthday I was officially post menopausal. Hooray! Let’s be honest with each other, having a monthly cycle is aggravating on many levels. But I’m done with that and rejoice in the fact every dang day! But with this joyous change, I needed to make some changes in my life if I was going to “feel good”.

First, it took a while for me to fully understand why my body stiffened if I sat too long. But, a friend of mine made some major changes in her nutrition. When she told me what she had changed and how she felt better, I decided I would do some research and see if the changes she made were right for me. Let me be clear, this is personal research. Neither one of us is a doctor, nurse, dietician, or any other medical personnel. After doing my research, I changed my diet. Did I do the exact same thing my friend did? Absolutely not! We are two different individuals and therefore needed to adjust our diets to our own personal needs.

Second, I was not sleeping well. It wasn’t night sweats or hot flashes (I didn’t have much of that at any stage during menopause), but I was HOT! This blew my mind since I am always cold. But at night, my body temperature would rise and I couldn’t sleep. So I researched what I could do and came across a solution I thought would work….the ChiliPad by SleepMe (formerly known as Ooler). It was a total game changer! I can literally set a schedule for the temperature that allows me to climb into a warm bed, then gradually cool down after I’ve fallen asleep to keep my body temp at a comfortable temperature, and then wake up to a gentle warming. I sleep soundly all night!

Last, I noticed I was lacking the energy I used to have. Now this was a combination of not enough quality sleep, poor diet, and lack of exercise. I solved the first two issues, but I am not one to go into a gym and lift weights, take a yoga  or aerobics class, and I’m certainly not a jogger/runner. So what were my options? I live in one of the most walkable cities on the planet. I started walking. Then I got a dog and I started training/playing with the dog (training/playing with you dog(s) should most definitely be counted as exercise). And while Athena and I are out and about, we take breaks to stretch, drink more water, or maybe just sit and watch the world go by.

The end result is I feel better because I’m taking more care with my diet, sleep and exercise! My body doesn’t stiffen up quite so much, I’m getting a minimum of 7 hours of quality sleep every night, and I have more energy! WooHoo!!!! I’ve shared all of this with all of you, because I will be writing about all of this more in depth as we go along. Feeling good is a never ending journey and we’re all on that journey. We may take different paths, but we’re all headed in the same direction….feeling good. Getting older may bite, but we don’t have to let it keep biting us! So, what have you done, or are thinking about doing to feel better? Let me know.

What I'm Doing

I Have Been Left Unsupervised

My Hunny Bun works in IT, as I briefly described in a previous post. During the pandemic he was able to continue working from home. But after the pandemic and his offices were open again, he had to start going back into the office three days a week. Not a problem! We adjusted to his working from home full time during the pandemic, so adjusting to his having to go into a office three days a week was no big deal. It actually works out great for us.

On Monday, he came in from working at his office and informed me that he had to go out of town to his company’s second headquarters in Florida. He would be flying out the next night. OK, short notice but not a problem. My mind immediately went into….what do I need to do that would be easier while he is out of town for three days? Cull and organize while listening to an audiobook without needing earbuds!

So here I am, culling and organizing our small apartment. It’s time to donate items we don’t use or won’t use again to an organization that can make good use of them. It’s also time to trash items even charitable organizations wouldn’t take. Why is this time easier when he’s out of town? Because I won’t have to rush. And I won’t have to answer, “What are you doing with that?” I also won’t have to listen to, “But I use that”, or “But I wear that” when I know damn well that he doesn’t use or wear whatever item is in my hands.

I am not the only one who waits for times like these to cull and organize, am I? Come on, admit it! You also wait until the spouse or kids are going to be gone for a significant amount of time so you can cull and organize without rushing and/or listening to complaints and questions about what you’re doing. It’s ok, you can tell me. It’ll be our secret.

What I'm Reading

So Many Books, So Little Time

I spent many years as a single mom. This means I had little time and/or money for myself. As a result, one of my favorite things to do, reading, was way down on my “to do” list. Do I regret being a single mom and not having the time and/or money for just myself? Absolutely NOT! My daughter is my greatest blessing. But she’s grown and has kids of her own so….bring on the books, movies, and things I want to do just for myself.

Reading Is My First True Love

I fell in love with reading at a very young age. It is my first true love. And I am one of those people that can read a book multiple times, so I want to not only read them…I want to own them. I want to own books because I am someone that will reread books multiple times. Every time I open a book I’ve read before, it’s like visiting with old friends. The problem is, I don’t have the space to create a physical library in my home. The solution to that problem….my Kindle!

My Personal Library Is Digital

My Kindle has saved me from the disappointment of not being able to have a personal library. Thanks to it, not only do I have a personal library, it goes with me everywhere and I can revisit old friends in stories I’ve read dozens of times. I also have the ability to listen to a book via my Kindle. This is a huge help when I’m walking the dog, traveling, doing chores, or whatever because I don’t have to pause the story. I can switch between the ebook and the audiobook seamlessly. Hallelujah, and thank sweet baby Jesus in his manger!

I Still Borrow Books

I not only have the ability to purchase books, I have the ability to borrow books from my library via the Libby app and thru my Kindle Unlimited subscription. Borrowing digital books allows me to try out new authors, as well as established authors I didn’t have time to try out before. As a result, I am loading up my digital library every week!

As of this moment, my personal library has a little over 500 books in both ebook and audiobook formats. I own most of what is in my Kindle and Audible library and I’m adding to that as often as I can without bankrupting myself. My friends tell me I have a problem and threaten me with an intervention. I tell them I’m perfectly fine with my reading/listening addiction and don’t feel an intervention is necessary.

Over the course of writing this blog and sharing my daily adventures with you, I will be sharing my reading adventures via book reviews. I will share with you my thoughts on the book itself and the narration of the audio version of the book as well. Some reviews will be of older books because I’m just now getting around to having the time to read them. Some reviews will be of new releases just out. Either way, I hope you’ll hear me out and let me know if you read the book or not. And if you have, I hope you’ll let me know your thoughts. But please….do NOT send me a review. I just want to know if you like it or not, and why.